Saturday, December 25, 2021

Simple Gifts, Pt. 2: Merry Christmas, Darling

In my last post, I recounted all the Trudeau gifts that I've accumulated over the years — so now it's time to reciprocate. Today is (as he says) the 20th anniversary of Justin Trudeau's 30th birthday, which got me thinking: what do you get a prime minister for Life Day when he already owns a comb?

. . .

As I pointed out yesterday, the idea for this two-part series came about in response to a Toronto Star article, about the eclectic mix of presents and other offerings delivered to Maggie's boy child from all over the world. Kinda symbolic, really: he's been sent simple gifts from ordinary folk and luxury amenities from kings, wise men, and other dignitaries. (Much of which he's had to refuse, which is where the symbolism ends, because there was no ethics commissioner in the town of Nazareth.)

No turtledoves or French hens were in the mix (not even French-Canadian geese-a-laying); no live nativity creatures were stirring, not even a mouse. (Although Didi does have a few pet guinea pigs.) No pigeons, either, save for the dirty bird in the House of Commons squawking about the deficit. But the PM's staff did list a whole bunch of other items that the man and the fam have been in receipt of over just the past two years:
During the pandemic, Canadians have sent Prime Minister Justin Trudeau masks, socks, books, chocolates, even toilet paper with Donald Trump’s face on it. This gift-giving — from a Holy Bible to a drawing of Trudeau as Superman — has continued as the prime minister prepares to celebrate Christmas and his 50th birthday on Dec. 25. Between Oct. 19, 2019 and July 23, 2020, Trudeau received more than 305 gifts. They include ...  A light-up painting of Parliament, three drawings of Trudeau, and a series of paintings focused on Indigenous men in prison ... 4 pairs of socks ... 1 “Star Wars” storm-trooper figurine ... [and] 1 Canadian flag.
Althia Raj's piece also states that people have also written him countless letters in support — and, yes, yours truly is one of them. I've only once received a response, but I can totally understand that the Privy Council Office is totally swamped with duties during normal times, ten times as much during a pandemic.

The first letter I sent was at the peak of the SNC foofaraw that lasted a lot longer than it should have. Blame the media and the backstabber who shall not be named. I won't rehash that whole debacle, but I will say it got me thinking for a time that, in case he wasn't able to beat the unfair rap, what would I give him as a "going away" care package?
 
He seems a lot more secure in his position now, but at some point he's going to tell the political swamp to fuddle-duddle. Right now, he's just happy to continue celebrating his unique and very merry un-birthday at Rideau Cottage. But whatever the circumstances, if I were ever fortunate enough to say, here ya go Mr. Trudeau, a few tokens of my appreciation — what might those tokens be?

Here then, is my grown-up Canadian Christmas Birthday List.
 
Or something like that.

Reader's digest: Stuff for the prime minister's library

Unlike the United States, Canada does not really do the whole "presidential libraries" thing (or prime ministerial libraries). There are a handful of locations named for previous PMs, like the Pearson and, well, Trudeau Airports, and buildings and whatnot named for genocidal John A. Macdonald that are in the process of being properly "cancelled." (Suggestion: Keep the last name, but rechristen those locations after Norm Macdonald instead.)
 
So while it's not likely that there will ever be a "Trudeau Prime Ministerial Library" like we have the Reagan one (with an airplane in the lobby); Obama one (that keeps getting vandalised by racists); or Bush one (with no books in the Dubya section), it's quite evident that both PMs père et fils were and are avid bibliophiles, with a fond interest for adding titles to their personal collections.
 
During the pandemic and the proliferation of Zoom interviews, it became a spectator sport to peek in at people's bookshelves to kind of get a hint at how their preferred reading material offers a glimpse into their personalities. Trudeau is no different. Even the National Post got in on the game and found (to no one's surprise, and by his own admission) that Justin Trudeau loves sci-fi and fantasy, and books about historical adventurers (like Mark Bourrie's Bush Runner).
 
He also, obviously, is a family man, from a quite prolific family; his father's, mother's and even brother's memoirs were also on those shelves (on prominent display during the WeGhazi farce, while Skippy the pigeon was grilling him over Margaret's supposed "graft").

Raj reports that the PM received a total of fifty-seven books as gifts from fans and supporters over the course of the pandemic so far. If I were adding to that list, here are some of the titles I'd give.
  • My Story by Julia Gillard, and What Happened by Hillary Clinton. I conceived of giving these to PMJT at the peak of the Stupid Nothingburger Controversy when it appeared that he was going to be "emailed" out of office by fabricated scandals and corrupt media. Fortunately, it didn't happen that way (even when they tried a second time, on the angle of "but his We-Mails"). But it's long been my contention that a certain undercurrent of "male misogyny" is responsible for the axe that his partisan adversaries and their pet press have to grind against him, and misogyny is what forced the premature, respective retirements of the former Australian PM and U.S. Secretary of State. At the very least, Gillard's would be a more engaging read than the bloviating from Malcolm Turnbull, whose bargain-basement biography got undeserved coverage in Canada for bitching about (what else?) Trudeau's socks.
  • You Can't Go Home Again by Thomas Wolfe. Another bookmark I saved from the Sniping Narcissist's Crisis era. The multigenre classic of WW2 tells of a successful young man who is run out of his cliquey small town for revealing the truth about the character of his fellow denizens, and subsequently embarks upon a personal journey that leaves him with a more worldly perspective on the place where he came from and the places he's been. I've written here before (and others have, in the online samizdat) about how insanely jealous the "Ottawa bubble" shows themselves to be, in their treatment and coverage of the prime minister who is the ultimate insider yet every bit an outcast.

    Like the townsfolk in the story, the Ottawa bubbleheads' self-centred focus and obsessive drive to torch-and-pitchfork the central character out of Dodge blinds them to the rise of fascism and the collapse of institutions (and even the planet) around them. All of these are things that Trudeau is trying his damnedest to hold up a mirror to, but they refuse to acknowledge. In every one of my letters, I have invited him to please come visit the U.S. and help us sort things out. I have written in comments elsewhere that "a prophet is unwelcome in his own house." Save for the one half of the country who are batshit out of touch with reality, I would gather that a broad swathe of Americans would welcome him as a liberator. But now that I think about it, I wonder: would he get run out of Dodge by the Chuck Todds and Jake Tappers on our side of the fence, in the same way as he keeps having to "dodge" rhetorical bullets from Andrew Coyne and Robert Fife?
  • So You've Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson. I bookmarked this title during the STD-Lavalamp brouhaha too, but it still applies to the situation of our embattled man in Ottawa even today. The book is about reactionary online mobs dealing out knee-jerk "cancellations" and refusing forgiveness for any perceived transgression. I would extend that model of understanding to the tabloid-quality "mainstream media" just the same (the Tofinogate idiocy is a classic example of why). I wrote in my first letter that I consider him to be a victim of cyberbullying, not just by the godawful trolls that infest his social media feed and the comment sections of every mainstream news outlet, but by the vultures of the Canadian lügenpresse as well. I'm guessing that Ronson's book offers coping mechanisms for those who've been sent to the public pillory without cause. Trudeau says he tries not to beat himself up too much, but I still think it's helpful for him to know that he's not alone in his plight.

Other gifts and small blessings

It seems apparent by now that much of what I've already designated for his care package comes from a place of pity and sympathy. The fact is that as I've written here and even in my missives to his office, I can relate on a personal level with much of what he has to contend with. In fact, in one of the emails I sent (possibly one of the memos where I actually nudged him to step away from politics, because the incessant scandal-mongering was inciting people to violently attack him), I indicated that if I were fortunate enough to meet him someday, I have a story to tell that bears additional relevance to the struggles of his poor mother. In other words, I know bullying when I see it.

So I put this care package together based on clippings and scraps of my own humble words.
  • A pair of Charlie Brown zigzag socks. I found a pair on Etsy awhile back, and thought they'd be a perfect gift for the perpetually vilified PM. I even wrote in one of my letters, "You're a good man, Justin Trudeau." His vicious adversaries are giving him a whole lot of grief, and not good grief (is there even such a thing?). Raj reports that socks, unsurprisingly, are one of the most common gifts that he's received over the years, so much so that his sock drawer is overflowing — even as the kids end up taking mismatches and not putting them back. Which raises another question: how come he's never actually been interviewed by Ed the Sock?
  • A Snoopy figure or plush as the World War I Flying Ace. Patricia Nixon brought a Snoopy doll to baby Justin when she and Tricky Dick visited Ottawa in 1972. It's unclear as to whether or not it was just a "regular" Snoopy (as the first big-screen Peanuts movie, Snoopy Come Home, had just been released that year), or one in military gear (the Great War is a Big Deal in Canada). But Charlie Brown's plucky and creative beagle has a tenacious streak of his own against bullies too, going up against not only the Red Baron but the cat next door — who just so happens to be named "World War II." What better tribute to the man who played Talbot Papineau on screen, than a "pup-ineau" flying in on his own Sopwith Camel? After all, Trudeau did stand up to the Orange Baron... and the fascist cat hoarder who lost bigly in the bunker in 2015.

    Merry Christmas, mein freund!

  • A single of Brandi Carlile's "The Joke." I mentioned this one in my first letter too. Carlile is a country-folk artist, performing in a genre that for the longest time has been hostile to LGBTQ+ people, people of colour, anti-war pacifists, and others who are just "different." Which is really hypocritical if country music is the soundtrack of "outlaws." Things are changing, but there's more work to do. As such, she's also become an advocate for those who've been at the receiving end of cruelty from the madding crowd.

    This song was her first big hit. It has become a contemporary anthem and rallying cry for triumphing over adversity, and watching your enemies have egg on their ugly faces. If I could dedicate just one song to him on a call-in radio show it would be this one. Every time he wins, every time he shows them up, after they underestimate him and convince themselves that "this is it, his departure is imminent, any day now we'll be rid of him at last..." well, the joke's on them.
  • An artwork or plaque with Teddy Roosevelt's famous speech about ignoring the armchair critics. I've mentioned it here and even described him as The Man in the Arena. What better of a motivator than the wise words of a fellow populist prizefighter? Especially since, quite literally, the play-by-play announcers at his actual boxing fight (Ezra Levant and Brian Lilley) were and are bullies who've ended up becoming the joke. On top of that? 99.9% of their "esteemed colleagues" are no better.

    My message to them is: Walk a mile kilometre (or do the Grouse Grind) in the man's shoes (complete with Charlie Brown socks) before you, well, grouse about how he's doing this or that wrong. Throw your toque in the ring and get in the match yourself, why don't you? See if you don't get socked in the face. Or, just put a sock in it. The man is hurtin'. He is alone, tired, and he hasn't seen diddly squat from anybody down here. So why don't you all wake up and smell what you're shovelin'? Happy trails, motherfuckers. Yippee kai yay.

  • Something, anything that says "best teacher ever." Justin Trudeau is good at politics, but he is not a politician. That's a compliment, in my opinion. His calling, first and foremost, was to be a teacher, and in his own way he's still doing just that (and schooling the juvenile delinquents in Parliament). He might be better at politics if he was more cutthroat and ruthless, but that's not in his nature. He's teaching through example. It's up to the bullheaded and ignorant to be open to learn.

    CBC reply columns are what I call Comment Board Cancer, but every so often you find an ultra-rare diamond Pokémon, in a rough patch of sticky bitumen coated in manure. I posted one on Simon's own comment section the other day (and pity poor Simon, who has to play whack-a-troll too). This person summed up J.T. the teacher pretty well if you ask me:
Justin Trudeau seems like the rare person who, in spite of their wealth, still cares about ordinary people. I hope I'm not wrong.
 
Alot of people dismiss Justin, and there are negatives against him, but in some ways he's better than his father. Intellectually he's not the same---but who is these days??
 
Who is as sharp as Pierre Trudeau? Not too many people today value intellectualism, and his father was a cold intellectual. But Margaret has given Justin something Pierre never had--a soft side. Sunny ways, one might say.

I take the over-the-top criticism of Trudeau to be nothing more than an expression of fear from the Conservative opposition. Fear that Justin may be PM for many, many years to come. Just like his dad.
Wouldn't that be the best gift ever.
  • And of course, I'd wrap it all up in Care Bears wrapping paper. Because, well, it's a care package, obviously. Plus, he's Tru-Heart Bear. He's the junior Jedi doin' the Skywalker shuffle. The storm troopers try to strike him down, but he becomes stronger than they will ever know. Because it's 2021? Nah. Because that's how they do it in the North.


Can Trudeau beat Harper again?

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Why, I know a fine fancy letter called FUDDLE. I use it in spelling Miss Fuddle-dee-Duddle. And, oh! What a bird-of-a-bird-of-a-bird-of! Her tail is the longest that’s ever been heard of.

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About (er, Aboot, eh)

The world needs more Canada. Especially the elephant in the bed. I'm an American observer peeking over the hedge, writing about Canadian politics and culture — including foreign relations with its nearest (and most unpredictable) neighbour — from my unlucky perch south of the 49th parallel.

Frequent Former (for now?) commenter at Wonkette (as the Girl Guide, resident south-of-the-border Trudeau stan) and as Jackie at Simon's blog.

Unapologetic supporter of the Liberal Party of Canada and Team Trudeau (aka the "Tru Grits"), and the Democratic Party USA. (Yes, unapologetic. I'll never say soory for that.)

Proud "Liberal Psycho," according to irascible Maclean's douchebag Stephen Maher, the other political white guy named Maher as annoying and abusive as Bill. Honoured to be a member of Jake Tapper's TruAnon.

I also write The Canadian Fishwrap Project, a media criticism blog. The #CdnMediaFailed, so I'mma keep calling 'em out.

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