Monday, December 27, 2021

The Definition of Insanity

Well, that didn't take long. Just a day after I finished my post about the media's insufferable tendency to wishcast about Justin Trudeau's supposedly imminent retirement, another TV talking twit decides to put in his two cents. Adjusted for inflation, Don Martin's words ain't worth a plug nickel...

. . .

First off, I thought this guy was retired. So why is he still being published by CTV? Anyway, his end-of-year filler column is titled with a rather snide circular reference: "Why should Justin Trudeau be entering his last full year as PM? Because it's 2022."

You know, because after seven whole years the right-wing pundit class still can't get enough of making tired jokes about signature Trudeauisms that have defined his arguably transformative tenure in office. "Because it's 2015" was meant to signify that it's the modern age and, thus, long overdue to have a gender-balanced government cabinet. (Even if some of those women turned out to prove the old axiom about hell, fury, and scorn.)

I guess Don didn't get the memo from Evan Solomon the other day. But, I mean, he's retired, so I gather he's not in contact with his old buddies at CTV. Which makes total sense, and is thus why they stopped publishing him, right? Anyway, in case he (or anyone else) missed it:


Oh, wait, says Don, he did see that, but Trudeau is just bluffing. Even if he isn't, he's going to put words in Trudeau's mouth to Donsplain as to why he should be bluffing, for his own good.

But, but, but, you may say, that question was answered with Trudeau emphatically insisting he will absolutely run again. Oh, puh-LEEZE. What leader would surrender power by even hinting at retirement just three months into a new mandate?

Common sense says Trudeau sticking around not only tempts fate by going against traditional three-strikes-and-you’re-out electoral math but risks the start of impatient grumbling from leader wannabes in his cabinet.

Who's grumbling? Trends are only trends until they're broken. Besides, wouldn't a "strike" in this case be... a loss, rather than a win? In that case, Jagmeet Singh should be the one looking for a post-political career as a minor Tik Tok influencer after the next election. Not Trudeau.

Don nevertheless persists to further handicap Trudeau's as-yet-hypothetical career after politics — which, again, he is certain will commence as of Trudeau's next birthday:

It’s a mid-life crisis like no other as Justin Trudeau turns 50 with nowhere to go but down. ... [I]t’s not easy to see a lucrative post-politics career for a youthful and healthy party leader who’s gone stale in the country’s top political job.

He may ooze charisma and excel at spontaneous interactions with the masses, but Trudeau tends to deliver plastic scripts through dead-eyed Teleprompter readings whenever he hits the podium for an official speech.

Couple that with few signs of great intellectual depth and it seems unlikely Trudeau would be swamped by corporate board chair offers or sustain a prolonged world tour of $150,000-per-speech fees to blue-chip audiences.

Christ, these guys really haven't give up the tired act of demeaning him as a moron. You'd think those three election wins would have thoroughly debunked that crap by now, but, no, nevertheless, they persisted. (He even managed to fit in an "Obama's Teleprompter" dig. I. Literally. Can't. Even.)

Since it's been going around the Interwebs lately, this is your occasional reminder that Justin Trudeau scored in the ninety-eighth percentile on his LSAT when he contemplated entering law school. Translated into IQ metrics, that's high enough to qualify for membership in Mensa.

Just because Don Martin probably had a midlife crisis with nowhere to go but down doesn't mean Justin Trudeau is in any way as miserable as he is. Or anyone else in the obviously embittered pundit class of dopey, failing, lying losers from the crooked fake news with low ratings. Besides, has Trudeau ever given any indication that he even wants to give pep talks to corporate stuffed shirts? Those blue-chip audiences have destroyed society. They're the very people who he wants to rescue it from!

I mean, unless he decided to do something really devious, like take a prank job at a VIP Samaritan's hotline and encourage Larry Summers and Carl Icahn to do the old Stockbroker Special from the 99th floor of a NYC skyscraper, I don't think Trudeau even has the slightest bit of interest in corporate board memberships or blue-chip audiences. And the only ones who seriously think he's "gone stale in the job" are dopey lying losers like Don Martin and his bored pundit ilk. Speaking as an American: Put this guy in front of the DNC in 2024 or thereafter, and the roar of the crowd would be so massive as to register on the Richter scale. But it's not "consulting" with cokeheads on Bay Street, so he's got nothing to offer? He wouldn't be able to get a "real job" after politics just like he didn't have a "real job" before it — because schoolteacher isn't a "real job" since it's mostly women who do it, right?

Absolutely. Fuck. All. This. Fucking. Noise.

Hey Don, how's Tom Mulcair's post-political career going? Better ask him next time he appears on CTV with your fellow pundits to remind everyone he's the angry neckbeard who lost to Justin Trudeau.

The fact that Trudeau doesn't fit the mould of previous prime ministers is what bothers the likes of Don Martin and his ilk so much. Funny how you never see them castigating Harper, for sustaining a prolonged world tour of "consulting" with dictators and despots like Mohammed Bonesaw or Viktor Orbán or any of the other thugocrats in the I.D.U. I'm sure it's plenty lucrative, though. That's all that matters to them. As Don always ends his "thinkpieces," that's the bottom line. (Perhaps it'd be lucrative on the part of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin to issue a cease-and-desist order for using his tag line.)


Anyway, Don doesn't offer much justification for why he thinks Trudeau's imminent departure is "for his own good," other than the pandemic stretching on longer than expected — which is, uh, his fault somehow, and something that voters will absolutely shitcan him for. Despite every single actual poll demonstrating that voters give the Liberals (and Trudeau) top marks for handling the actual pandemic. Surprisingly, he does offer Trudeau a lot of credit for the things he has accomplished in such a short amount of time. Yet is convinced that he has nothing more to do (but doesn't offer anything convincing as to why that's the case, other than vague notions of staying too long at the fair). COVID stayed too long at the fair, so Trudeau is... the same thing as COVID. Yeah, that makes sense., said no one ever.

The only other thing he says is that Trudeau himself appears bored and frustrated and talks in riddles and political pablum. I'd like actual evidence that he is bored and/or frustrated (maybe talking to morons like this all day is getting on his nerves?) and as for the latter, um, he's in politics. Isn't that what all elected officials do? If pretzel logic was reason enough to pink slip someone, then Skippy the pigeon would be out on his tailfeathers. Except Trudeau isn't offering any pretzel logic. He's just saying what he's always said; the problem is pundits like Don Martin who have an agenda, who read into his words what they want to hear, and who aren't willing to listen.

I mean, I'm not sure how the man could have made it any clearer than this.


Finally, drawing upon the theme of pandemic management, he argues in favour of a long shot bid for possible successor in lieu of presumed front-runner Chrystia Freeland: Anita Anand, vaccine procurement she-ro who is now in charge of fixing the filthy rot of the boys' club of the armed forces. How interesting, though, that it was his and nearly all other Canadian "news" outlets earlier this year who had proclaimed Canada's vaccine procurement a total failure. I guess the Ottawa bubble is located in the province of Amnesia!
The law professor is well liked by Liberal MPs, commands the meeting room when big decisions are made and is known to be quietly building links to the Liberal membership, whose votes will eventually crown the winner.
Known by whom? The same "Liberal sources" talking to Fife, who go by the names of John Barron and David Dennison? Did he meet them at a hipster coffee shop owned by Karen Winsella? If you're plotting a kudatah behind the scenes, why would you wish your boss a happy birthday and call him, uh, Boss? That doesn't sound to me like Little Steven is planning to push Bruce out as frontman for the E Street Band. Note that word together. Ain't nobody planning a solo career here.

Also if you're plotting a kudatah, you don't go on one of the nation's top political podcasts hosted by not one, but two Liberal Party backroom managers, to lend heaping praise upon your boss' legendary father.


But sure, keep trying to make fetch happen. It worked out really well for the giving Indian in the cabinet and her dingbat sidekick, didn't it.
 
We also find that Don apparently doesn't like Freeland, and considers her smug and arrogant for some reason (gee, where have we heard that before?) Besides the fact that he and his chummy club have been saying that about Trudeaus past and present for the better part of a century, he could have just said she's "overprepared," unless Chuck Todd has copyrighted it already.
 
He furthermore has zero proof whatsoever that anyone in the idle speculation fantasy-football game is even interested in the top job and all the shit that comes with it. His contention that Trudeau delivering even more on what he reluctantly acknowledges to be a successful series of accomplishments is a sure sign that he's 1) lost his "spark," and 2) wearing out his welcome, just doesn't logically add up. If he's doing good things for the country, then why wouldn't voters and his party want him to do more of it? Because $current_year?
[I]f he makes tangible made-in-Canada progress toward withstanding climate change, delivers meaningful Indigenous reconciliation and puts the economy on a healthy track, Justin Trudeau could bow out late next year as a transformational prime minister who delivered far more than anyone expected when his sunny ways dawned in 2015.

But if he sticks around too long, weary voters will dropkick his poll numbers toward a probable election defeat and he could end his reign with a forced march out the door by his own Liberal MPs.

That... just doesn't make sense. If the things that he intends to accomplish aren't accomplished by January 2023, he's all but certain to lose? The fuck is this guy smoking? At least he gives Trudeau credit for whatever it is being legal. That's some strange bud, though. Might want to get his supply from someone other than Doug Ford.

Go soak your head, Don Martin. Go soak your head and cry.

Justin Trudeau's just getting started, and he isn't going anywhere. Why do I know this to be true?

Because it's 2022.

 
And that's the bottom line, because the Canadian Heartbreak Kid said so.
 

 

Can Trudeau beat Harper again?

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Why, I know a fine fancy letter called FUDDLE. I use it in spelling Miss Fuddle-dee-Duddle. And, oh! What a bird-of-a-bird-of-a-bird-of! Her tail is the longest that’s ever been heard of.

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About (er, Aboot, eh)

The world needs more Canada. Especially the elephant in the bed. I'm an American observer peeking over the hedge, writing about Canadian politics and culture — including foreign relations with its nearest (and most unpredictable) neighbour — from my unlucky perch south of the 49th parallel.

Frequent Former (for now?) commenter at Wonkette (as the Girl Guide, resident south-of-the-border Trudeau stan) and as Jackie at Simon's blog.

Unapologetic supporter of the Liberal Party of Canada and Team Trudeau (aka the "Tru Grits"), and the Democratic Party USA. (Yes, unapologetic. I'll never say soory for that.)

Proud "Liberal Psycho," according to irascible Maclean's douchebag Stephen Maher, the other political white guy named Maher as annoying and abusive as Bill. Honoured to be a member of Jake Tapper's TruAnon.

I also write The Canadian Fishwrap Project, a media criticism blog. The #CdnMediaFailed, so I'mma keep calling 'em out.

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